Change The Channel

When I was young we had a black and white telly, now I do not mean one that was colour coded to fit in with the sitting room décor, I mean it was an old black and white, a telly that made watching snooker exciting, a telly that made all landscapes look like home, aye the good old days!
Now because I am not that old we only had this telly for a couple of years before we were up graded to colour, a revolution in telly watching and the pride of the house, because having a colour telly not only meant watching the snooker was now at a different level but the family had moved out of the poor working class bracket to the middle working class, A huge social step!!
The fact that there were only two channels did not matter as they were both in colour, people looked like people and landscapes were...well landscapes but ones we had never seen before.
The household watched new programmes, some scary others funny but all original!!!
Flash forward one or two years and have a look at where we are, several hundred channels all in colour some in 3D, tellies that are designed to match your décor and not only that the average screen size is three times what we used to watch!
Aye progress is wonderful, we have huge colour tellies, designed to fit any room and over two hundred channels full of new interesting programmes to choose from.
Sadly yes and no, yes we have the big tellies that can tell you what you like to watch, yes you can buy them in any shape or form and colour you like to suit your décor but that is where the good news and all the progress ends!!!
The programmes are the same bloody ones I was watching on the black and white telly all those years ago....aye and the snooker is still boring!!
Okay the programmes are not the same but am I the only one that has noticed that the two hundred channels are full of repeats, and not just repeats that are a few years old, repeats that are weeks old!!
The same films appear over ten different channels over the week just to make sure you have seen it at least twice.
If a programme is classed as original you can be sure it is another reality, spy camera documentary about either a very rich or a very dysfunctional family with more problems than Jeremy Kyle can solve!!!
If somebody does make a programme that is worth watching once, you can be sure it will be flogged to death by repeats over every channel that makes nothing new.
Every channel not only shows repeats but in-between those repeats are endless adverts for all we need and desire to make our lives complete. The result of the adverts is that what is supposed to be an hour long show full of original content is now only thirty five minutes long...aye yet another rip off!
The whole reality show circus makes you wonder if we have really become a nation of telly zombies that are afraid to watch a programme with either a plot or one that dare I say it provokes thoughts and debate.
So this weekend when the repeats are repeats of the repeats, why not turn the telly off turn to your partner and strike up a conversation, invite friends around, play games with the kids and there is one thing you will be guaranteed, it will be original and who knows you might even be entertained!

Weekend Road Bandits

So here it was, at last, for the first time since....well it is that bloody long ago I cant actually remember when.... the last time it was a perfect weekend! You know, sunshine, a trip away planned and a baby sitter, aye my god was smiling on me!
So Saturday arrived in a blaze of glorious sunshine, I packed my overnight bag...okay my Tesco bag for life...and donned my sun glasses, last minute checks done, wallet in pocket, credit card in sock and breakfast in a bag ala a fast food chain it was time to hit the road, destination the exotic West Coast town of Fort William and a night out with some old friends.
So there we were, good music, excellent driving conditions and a munch as my front seat companion, life was just peachy!
Sadly the elation and excitement lasted as long as the local by-pass and the queues of traffic stretched as far as the eyes with the aid of powerful binoculars could see!! What was causing this almighty jam, a jam that by this point had added an extra hour to an already long journey time. An accident, road works or some other sad unforeseeable emergency, that would mean any cross words would not be merited!
No none of the above, it was simply everyone who owned a caravan, a push bike or any other vehicle you would like to see banded from the road had the same idea for the weekend, all going to the same bloody destination!!!
Now firstly let me set the record straight, I like Fort William, but only because that is the town that I grew up in and only because I have friends and family that still live there. However if you were to choose a fantastic weekend break, a treat for you and your family, a place that has loads to do with great eating places, excellent evening entertainment and is reasonably priced, then you would simply not go there!!!!
Fort William has more shops shut than open on a high street that requires demolition rather than decoration, you have taxis that are ready to rip the tenner out your wallet for a few miles of nerve shredding as the driver answers the phone and writes down the hires that are flooding in, he then organises other cars using his radio-yep an office on wheels with a waiting area for current customers to pray that they see the destination of their choice!!
Taxi journey survived, a stiff drink required, so into one of the local pubs, made the mistake of asking for our drinks in tall glasses, aye you guessed it they charge extra for that service, so another tenner prized from the wallet!!!
So back to the original point why would all these people be on the same road as me heading to the same destination? I have no answer and ask 90% of the locals and they to would have to scratch their head and wonder why anyone would make Fort William their perfect destination!! However those locals scratching their heads give me the only possible answer there is to the question- they themselves are different class, its only a shame that the towns fathers cant get the planning and the development of their town right, then they would have it all!
That decided then it leaves only the second point to resolve, aye bloody caravans and push bikes on our busy inadequate roads, roads that have more tour buses and lorries per mile than the M6!!!!!
I can only pray that one day a government is elected that will tax these road bandits in the same way that cars, buses and lorries aye the legitimate users are taxed!! Why should a bike or a caravan be allowed to cause misery to the vast majority of road users, why should we have to trudge along at 10 miles per hour in queues of 100 plus waiting on a safe place to pass them, and I can tell you when I say safe place I really mean slightly less dangerous!!
If we don't tax them then we should at least restrict them to certain user hours, hours that we the tax paying customer decide on, like say 0400 to 0700 sounds fair to me after all they are not paying to use the facilities, can you imagine the up roar if people just walked into the local swimming pool, threw in some tyre tubes and started to splash about without paying- try it and see what happens, however have your lawyer on speed dial!
Sadly there is no answer to the road bandits at the moment, leaving us the tax paying road user to suffer- so come on Government do something useful for a change and raise some money that could be used to fix the roads, tax the bandits that are freely strangling road traffic flow and smiling about it!!!
Me I will be back in rip off Fort William only because of the people, but when I go I will be travelling between 0400 and 0700, music on and a clear road!!!!!

The Supermarket Chore!

One of life's essential tasks if you are the person responsible for running the household is the daily and weekly grocery shop.
Now the fact that it is essential does not make it enjoyable, in fact it is one of the least enjoyable jobs there is, it is up there with cleaning the toilet in a house that boasts three men! Others may disagree and even argue that it is like taking a coffee break away from the hustle and bustle of their daily routine that is the housework.......give me peace!!!
The supermarkets are at war with your hearts, minds and wallet, there is no pleasure for the shopper only con tricks and mind games to get you to part with your hard earned cash!!
You know what I mean, it happens to us all, you go in to the shop knowing you need a loaf of bread and a carton of milk, so you pick up a basket as that will more than do the job in hand, by the time you have got past the first lane, you are pushing the basket along the floor with your foot as it is now to heavy to lift, in your mind at this point is a raging debate about the pros and cons of leaving the basket where it is and getting a trolley, meaning the walk of shame past the now obligatory security guard that is at every supermarket front door in case you make a break for it with a potato!
So walk of shame complete, round one to the supermarket and you start your shopping again knowing you are about to spend slightly more than you were meant to, but hey we have to eat and we must need it or I would not be buying it, would I?.........Round two to the supermarket!!
So as you go around being hit with promotion after promotion that you just cant resist and the smell of freshly baked bread and cakes filters through the store, just to make sure that your hunger senses are now on full alert, ready to pounce on the first item that just looks good enough to eat, no matter what that item maybe the chances are it is going in the now hard to push trolley.
Now looking at your full to the brim , aye overflowing trolley you question your own sanity in trying to use a basket in the first place!! Round three to the supermarket!
So trolley full to the brim it is time to load them on to a conveyor belt that will trundle towards the checkout operator, a person who clearly hates her job and now hates you because you have just piled up your mountain of promotions and bargains that means they will have to serve you listening to their till confirm every item with that infernal beep beep.
An awkward hello, followed by do you need any bags, no right answer here, if you say no and produce your own but half way through the packing run out, then be prepared for a rather huffy response when you stop the checkout person in mid flow as they throw your goods past the scanner, aye twice if it forgets to beep! On the flip side say yes please to bags and you get that look of despair that says you  have failed the environment, but worse still they have to turn around to get you them, with all the inconvenience that brings to their misery.
Bags packed, a mountain of paperwork spewing out of the till and wallet prized open and relieved of your hard earned cash. Aye another round to the supermarket!!
The job is not yet finished, you still have to pass one or two hurdles yet to get out of the store and into the fresh air, you have the newspaper kiosk where many of us seem intent on getting our own back on the supermarket, the idea of something for nothing, the people who stand and read the papers making no attempt to buy them, now these people used to annoy me to the point of distraction, however I now find myself admiring their fight back spirit!! A round to the shopper?
So you escape the clutches of the supermarket, you get home and have put all the shopping away battling with the fridge because it can hold so many buy one get one free packs of cheese and butter, finally the task is complete, job done, task over well at least for today!
As I collapse into my favourite chair with my hot drink of choice, I count the score to the supermarket and it is definitely a points win if not a knockout to them, so I challenge anyone to say that shopping is a pleasure, a coffee break and not the worst job on the list of household chores!

Talk To The Telly

So here you will find me the grumpy granddad, the alter ego of the stay at home granddad that looks after the wee one and the house, this is where I sit in my shed and rant at life, when all are out and I get five minutes to myself that is!! I rant everyday at some point but will save most of them for the shed, however once or twice a week I will be letting one or two rants free from the shed and sharing them here, where I hope you will join me!
Is it just me or is the world we live in not changing for the better, is it regressing into something that our ancestors would be quick to recognise?

Now straight away many of you will argue that we have never had it so good, you will point to technology, supermarkets and the fact we all have two cars- well according to some survey somewhere, a survey that also says we have 2.2 kids!!- however those very things are the items that I would argue are sending us back in time.
Take technology , now there is no doubt that we are better off for inventions such as the fridge and central heating systems, that control the temperature all on its own, so even if we are not at home our beer is cold and our sitting room is cosy! That however is not the technology I am talking about, aye I know, I am cherry picking but surely we would be better off if cherry picking had been applied at an earlier stage, a stage before we have come to expect life to run without us trying.

Take our home viewing experience for example, the new smart tellies talk to us, change channels for us and even know what we like to watch once it has been in the house for a couple of days!! My wife aka the law enforcer in my house, has been with me twenty five years and still does not know what I like to watch or eat for that matter! How do we get past that, aye we talk and discover new things about each other, aye even to this day, in the future though it looks like the husband will tell the telly who in turn will inform the wife what he takes in his coffee! It does not stop there, our phones that used to be used to hold a conversation with our friends, now talk to the telly as well, letting it know what time we will be home at and what we would like as our evenings entertainment!!, again a game the law enforcer aka the wife and I have played for years goes a begging! You know the game, guess where I am, will I be home in time for dinner and what will the mood be like! Aye we have all played it! Yes all lost now we have the smart telly running our houses in fact the only thing the telly does not do yet, is speak to the microwave, and start your ping ding dinner!
So the household telly has moved up the food chain and taken away some of life's tasks that used to take some thought backed up be some conversation!

So has all of this made us better off or is it returning us to a time where our ancestors had no need for conversation, I will let you chat among yourselves about that one or if that art has already been lost, just ask your smart telly!